THE "GHOST" You feel that CRAP come out, see CRAP on the toilet paper, but there's no CRAP in the bowl.
THE "CLEAN" CRAP You feel CRAP come out, see CRAP in the bowl, but there's no CRAP on the toilet paper.
THE "WET" CRAP You wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your butt and your underwear to avoid skidmarks.
"BRAIN HEMORRAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE" You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.
THE "SECOND WAVE" This CRAP usually happens when you've finished, you pants are up to your knees, and suddenly realize you have to CRAP some more.
THE "CORN" CRAP No explanation necessary.
THE "LINCOLN LOG" The kind of CRAP that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.
THE "NOTORIOUS" CRAP The kind of CRAP you have in the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.
THE "GEE I REALLY WISH I COULD" CRAP The kind where you want to CRAP but, even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.
THE "POWER DUMP" The kind that comes out so fast that you barely get your pants off before it starts.
THE "LIQUID PLUMBER" The kind of CRAP that is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from The Lincoln Log CRAP).
THE "SPINAL TAP" The kind of CRAP that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's coming out sideways.
THE "PORRIDGE" CRAP The type of CRAP that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.
THE "BUNNY" When you drop lots of cute, little, round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.
THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE" CRAP Also sometimes referred to as the "TOXIC DUMP". Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.
THE "KLINGON"Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off, because if you wipe it now, it's going to smear all over the place.
"I'VE JUST DIED" The type of CRAP that feels like you're giving birth to a porqupine out of your butthole.
THE "TITANIC" Sinks as soon as it hits the water.
Subject: Here it is folks, The Crap List! 
